Saturday, October 27, 2012
The time is currently 5:00am (26th of October) -- my usual hour of inspiration and yet, nothing. I am deeply disappointed - I am deeply disappointed in my inability to fluently and fluidly conceive words fitting for you, my audience. As a prideful and notable skilled manipulator of words, I am experiencing the deepest trifle in my attempt to find the right words to reflect the high regards in which I view you lot. The need to concoct this verbal disposition was prompted by the usual, but most notably, the recent out-pour of varying forms of support and Love. The fact-of-the-matter is: there came a time in my path where my pathological fear of being awarded more reverence for my physicality and sense of fashion, more-so than the intended goal-at-hand - to promote intellectual stimulation and encourage the desire to create from inward, free of limitations and speculations from others. It seemed as though my message had gotten lost in the midst of the glorification of the exterior over the interior. The fact-of-the-matter is: people will grow to perceive in the magnitude and fashion you present yourself. So, I took a step back - I took a step simply because I deeply desired to see who would remain. The decision was both revealing, as it were damaging. Revealing in the sense that the element of loyalty thinned. It's like, first, they fall for your hype. Then, they're hype for your fall. Not that I fell, but generally-speaking, from an observational perspective. With the step back, came the introduction--or, rather, the reinforcement of the role of Peace, Power and Purpose - the Holy Trinity. Not to pervert, nor corrupt its significance in Christianity; if anything, it further encourages the importance of placing your hand to your head, to your heart, and to the extents of your shoulders.
Peace is, but a state of mind; Power deeply and solely relies on that of one's heart; Purpose rests upon the shoulders of those who seek, acknowledge and accept it. So, I persisted - I persisted on peeling apart and exploring the premise of the power of purpose, purpose of Peace - peace while among others and, Peace within oneself, purpose of power, and having Peace in your purpose.
Ah! My tongue is tied - tied like the Lover who Loves much more than she is Loved. I want this to be long and meaningful, yet I want it short and concise. I like to believe you lot know me well enough to know what it is I am struggling to say. I want You -- no, I need You, the dedicated reader to be filled with as much Love as your words have granted and will continue to grant me. I need you to feel so much Love that it overwhelms you. I need you to understand that, as someone who leans not on the words of others as a source of validation and reassurance, your words have managed to permeate. Permeate deep enough to keep me level-headed and most importantly, elevated. When I first began publicizing my Artistic journey, I did not anticipate it culminating this much reception and acknowledgement. Now that it has, it serves as just a bit of extra icing on the cake. So, I thank you; I thank you and appreciate you beyond calculative measures. The greatness you see in me, dwells in You a thousand fold.
I appreciate each and everyone of who have found it in yourself to express how much of an inspiration my journey and my words and my doings has been in your lives. And, I desperately need that appreciation to transcend words. So, with my birthday (the 8th of November) coming up, I want to do something for you - on my birthday. Ha! Go figure. If there is anything - a dare, a project, a post - whatever it is you have seen of me and would Love to see again, let me know. Or, perhaps, something I am yet to do; your wish is my command. I look forward to hearing from you.
As I conclude this, I can't help but feel like it lacks a sense of completion and compassion I sought out for upon beginning it. I hope this will do. Thank you again. Peace.